So many times people become their emotions rather than feeling them. Or the total opposite spend so much time trying to avoid them they never feel them. In order to heal and move forward we MUST feel our feelings. If you are anything like me you thought because you felt a "negative" emotion (i.e., mad or sad) that you were failing. As if not being able to feel sad or angry was some type of badge of honor. Let me be the first to tell you, it is not. You are just delaying the healing process and adding more stuff on top of your already heavy stuff. These lyrics to the song Heavy by Kiana Ledé speak exactly to what a lot of us do. We fake it until we make it, but whose idea was it to fake it anyway??
I don't got my priorities straight
Don't know who I'm gonna be today
I'm no victim, but I deal with shit on the daily
Something pullin', I can't get away
Never livin' outside of my head
I don't like showin' weakness, so I always fake it
We live in a society where having it all together equates success. I mean the kid movie frozen says conceal don't feel, this is a message even the younger generation is getting also. I think this is what births the imposter syndrome which is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud". I'm certain we feel like a fraud because although we are successful on the outside, the fact that we feel negative emotions on the inside makes us feel disqualified from whatever "it" is.
Here is the thing, you are not your emotions they are just things you wear. Like I talk about in my book, think of your feelings as wearing a hat. Often times people chose to become their feelings and make it their identify. Justifying why we are that emotion. For example, rejection, trauma, grief and loss. The year 2020 had been a challenging year to say the least. So many highs and so many lows. But put that emotion on, feel it then take it off. It is suppose to be a hat not a mask we hide behind.
How do you heal? I'm glad you asked!
FEEL YOUR FEELINGS, you are human you are not failing. You still deserve everything you have and you are not defined by your past. If you are sad, be sad. Cry if you want, be angry too, then let it go. Honor them, then let it go. Life will keep happening and more feelings will arise, but you got this! #MyselfIncluded
1 Peter 5:10 ESV
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.